Closed body language
A significant cluster of body movements are all about closing. This is sometimes misinterpreted solely as indicating defensiveness.
Language of closure
Closure literally closes the body up. It may range from a slight bringing together of the limbs to curled up into a tight ball. Extreme cases may also include rhythmic rocking of the body to and fro.
Arms across
In a closed positions one or both arms cross the central line of the body. They may be folded or tightly clasped or holding one another. There may also be holding one another.
Lighter arm crossing may include resting an arm on a table or leg, or loosely crossed with wrists crossing.
Varying levels of tension may be seen in the arms and shoulders, from a relaxed droop to tight tension and holding on to the body or other arms.
Legs across
Legs, likewise can be crossed. There are several styles of leg crossing, including the ankle cross, the knee cross, the figure-four (ankle on opposite knee) and the tense wrap-around.
Legs may also wrap around convenient other objects, such as chair legs.
When legs are crossed but arms are not, it can show deliberate attempts to appear relaxed. This is particularly true when legs are hidden under a table.
Looking down or away
The head may be inclined away from the person, and particularly may be tucked down.
Reasons for closing
There can be several reasons for closed body language. This is one reason why reading body language can be hazardous and you should take into account other factors. In particular look for the transition when the body closes and the triggers that may have caused this change.
Defending
When we feel threatened, our body language becomes defensive. We use closure to place the barriers of our arms and legs across in front of us to defend ourselves from attack. When we close, we also make our body smaller, reducing the size of the target. When we tuck our chin down, we are protecting the exposed throat.
We also may be signaling to the other person that we are not a threat to them. Thus the held-in arms shows that we are not attacking and looking away from them removes aggressive staring.
In a variant of this, particularly where the person is holding themselves, a closed position may indicate self-nurturing. The person is effectively holding or hugging themselves in an imitation of a parent or other caring person.
Hiding
Closing also may serve the purpose of hiding something that we do not want the other person to see. Holding the body still prevents it from betraying our thoughts. Looking away prevents the other person from seeing our expression that may show dislike or lying.
Cold
A more pragmatic form of closure is when we are cold. Huddling up reduces exposed body area and reduces heat loss. Holding warmer parts of the body against colder parts evens the temperature and prevents extremities from being chilled too much.
Relaxing
And we also cross our arms and legs when we are relaxing. It can just be a comfortable place to put those gangly limbs. We may look away because we are thinking, nothing more.
Opening
When you are trying to persuade a person, then their standing or sitting in a closed position is usually a signal that they are not ready to be persuaded. Moving them to an open position can significantly increase your chances of persuading them.
Force hand use
A common method sales people use to break a crossed-arms closed position is to give the person something to hold or otherwise ask them to use their hands, for example asking them to hand over something, turn over a page, stand up and so on.
Following
The other common method of opening a person is to first adopt a closed position like them. Then some effort is put into building a bond with them, such that they start to like you and are attaching their identity to yours. Finally, you then open your position, unfolding arms and legs. If they are sufficiently bonded then they will follow you.
This should be done naturally and steadily, for example unfolding your arms in order to use your hands to illustrate what you are saying. If they do not follow you, return to the closed position and work further at bonding before trying again.
Bored body language
When a person is bored, they whole body is telling you. So if you are trying to persuade them, don't bother (unless you are trying to bore them into submission).
Language of boredom
A ready body is poised for action.
Distraction
A bored person looks anywhere but at the person who is talking to them. They find other things to do, from doodling to talking with others to staring around the room. They may also keep looking at their watch or a wall clock.
Repetition
Bored people often repeat actions such as tapping toes, swinging feet or drumming fingers. The repetition may escalate as they try to signal their boredom.
Tiredness
A person who feels that they are unable to act to relieve their boredom may show signs of tiredness. They may yawn and their whole body may sag as they slouch down in their seat, lean against a wall or just sag where they are standing. Their face may also show a distinct lack of interest and appear blank.
Reasons for boredom
Lack of interest
If the person is not interested in their surroundings or what is going on, then they may become bored. The disinterest may also be feigned if they do not want you to see that they are interested. Watch for leaking signs of readiness in these cases.
Readiness
A bored person may actually be ready for the actions you want, such as closing a sale. Sales people are known to keep on the sales patter long after the customer is ready to sign on the dotted line.
Language of boredom
A ready body is poised for action.
Distraction
A bored person looks anywhere but at the person who is talking to them. They find other things to do, from doodling to talking with others to staring around the room. They may also keep looking at their watch or a wall clock.
Repetition
Bored people often repeat actions such as tapping toes, swinging feet or drumming fingers. The repetition may escalate as they try to signal their boredom.
Tiredness
A person who feels that they are unable to act to relieve their boredom may show signs of tiredness. They may yawn and their whole body may sag as they slouch down in their seat, lean against a wall or just sag where they are standing. Their face may also show a distinct lack of interest and appear blank.
Reasons for boredom
Lack of interest
If the person is not interested in their surroundings or what is going on, then they may become bored. The disinterest may also be feigned if they do not want you to see that they are interested. Watch for leaking signs of readiness in these cases.
Readiness
A bored person may actually be ready for the actions you want, such as closing a sale. Sales people are known to keep on the sales patter long after the customer is ready to sign on the dotted line.
Attentive body language
Attentive body language
When you are in conversation or otherwise attending to what others are saying or doing, you body sends signals to the other person as to how interested you really are. Attentive body language sends a strong signal of real and deep interest that is both flattering and likely to result in reciprocal attention.
It was said that if you met with the English 19th century politician William Gladstone, you would come away thinking he was the most intelligent and witty person in the country. If, however, you met his peer Benjamin Disraeli, then you would come away thinking that you were the most intelligent and witty person. Disraeli, it would seem, was somewhat more skilled at paying attention.
Listening
A person who is attentive is first of all listening. This can be of varying intensity though attentive listening is deep and interested.
Ignoring distractions
There are many competing stimuli that demand our attention. If a person ignores distraction, from phone calls to other people interrupting, then they send strong and flattering 'I am interested in you' signals.
Stillness
Body movement often betrays distracting thoughts and feelings. When the listener is largely still, the implication is of forgetting everything else except the other person, with not even internal dialogue being allowed to distract.
Leaning forward
When I am interested in you and what you have to say I will likely lean slightly towards you, perhaps better to hear everything you have to say.
Tilted head
An attentive head may be tilted slightly forward. It also may show curiosity when tilted to the side (although this may also indicate uncertainty).
Gaze
An attentive person looks at the other person without taking their gaze away. They will likely blink less, almost for fear of missing something.
Furrowed brow
Concentration may also be shown in the forehead as the eyebrows are brought together as the listener seeks to hear and understand the other person.
Wanting more
An attentive person seeks not just to hear but to be ready to listen to everything the other person has to say.
Patience
When you want to hear more from the other person you are patient, listening until they have finished speaking and not butting in with your views. Even when you have something to say or when they pause, you still patiently seek a full understanding of them and give them space in which to complete what they have to say.
Open body
Open body language shows that you are not feeling defensive and are mentally open to what they have to say (and hence not closed to their thoughts).
Slow nodding
Nodding shows agreement and also encourages the other person to keep talking. Fast nodding may show impatience, whilst a slower nod indicates understanding and approval.
Interest noises
Little noises such as 'uh huh' and 'mmm' show that you are interested, understand and want to hear more. They thus encourage the other person to keep talking.
Reflecting
When you reflect the other person back to them they feel affirmed and that you are aligned with them. Reflecting activities range from matching body language to paraphrasing what they say.
When you are in conversation or otherwise attending to what others are saying or doing, you body sends signals to the other person as to how interested you really are. Attentive body language sends a strong signal of real and deep interest that is both flattering and likely to result in reciprocal attention.
It was said that if you met with the English 19th century politician William Gladstone, you would come away thinking he was the most intelligent and witty person in the country. If, however, you met his peer Benjamin Disraeli, then you would come away thinking that you were the most intelligent and witty person. Disraeli, it would seem, was somewhat more skilled at paying attention.
Listening
A person who is attentive is first of all listening. This can be of varying intensity though attentive listening is deep and interested.
Ignoring distractions
There are many competing stimuli that demand our attention. If a person ignores distraction, from phone calls to other people interrupting, then they send strong and flattering 'I am interested in you' signals.
Stillness
Body movement often betrays distracting thoughts and feelings. When the listener is largely still, the implication is of forgetting everything else except the other person, with not even internal dialogue being allowed to distract.
Leaning forward
When I am interested in you and what you have to say I will likely lean slightly towards you, perhaps better to hear everything you have to say.
Tilted head
An attentive head may be tilted slightly forward. It also may show curiosity when tilted to the side (although this may also indicate uncertainty).
Gaze
An attentive person looks at the other person without taking their gaze away. They will likely blink less, almost for fear of missing something.
Furrowed brow
Concentration may also be shown in the forehead as the eyebrows are brought together as the listener seeks to hear and understand the other person.
Wanting more
An attentive person seeks not just to hear but to be ready to listen to everything the other person has to say.
Patience
When you want to hear more from the other person you are patient, listening until they have finished speaking and not butting in with your views. Even when you have something to say or when they pause, you still patiently seek a full understanding of them and give them space in which to complete what they have to say.
Open body
Open body language shows that you are not feeling defensive and are mentally open to what they have to say (and hence not closed to their thoughts).
Slow nodding
Nodding shows agreement and also encourages the other person to keep talking. Fast nodding may show impatience, whilst a slower nod indicates understanding and approval.
Interest noises
Little noises such as 'uh huh' and 'mmm' show that you are interested, understand and want to hear more. They thus encourage the other person to keep talking.
Reflecting
When you reflect the other person back to them they feel affirmed and that you are aligned with them. Reflecting activities range from matching body language to paraphrasing what they say.
Aggressive body language
A significant cluster of body movements is used to signal aggression.
This is actually quite useful as it is seldom a good idea to get into a fight, even for powerful people. Fighting can hurt you, even though you are pretty certain you will win. In addition, with adults, fighting is often socially unacceptable and aggression through words and body language is all that may ever happen.
Threat
Facial signals
Much aggression can be shown in the face, from disapproving frowns and pursed lips to sneers and full snarls. The eyes can be used to stare and hold the gaze for long period. They may also squint, preventing the other person seeing where you are looking.
Attack signals
When somebody is about to attack, they give visual signal such as clenching of fists ready to strike and lowering and spreading of the body for stability. They are also likely to give anger signs such as redness of the face.
Exposing oneself
Exposing oneself to attack is also a form of aggression. It is saying 'Go on - I dare you. I will still win.' It can include not looking at the other person, crotch displays, relaxing the body, turning away and so on.
Invasion
Invading the space of the other person in some way is an act of aggression that is equivalent to one country invading another.
False friendship
Invasion is often done under the cloak of of familiarity, where you act as if you are being friendly and move into a space reserved for friends, but without being invited. This gives the other person a dilemma of whether to repel a 'friendly' advance or to accept dominance of the other.
Approach
When you go inside the comfort zone of others without permission, you are effectively invading their territory. The close you get, the greater your ability to have 'first strike', from which an opponent may not recover.
Touching
Touching the person is another form of invasion. Even touching social touch zones such as arm and back can be aggressive.
Gestures
Insulting gestures
There are many, many gestures that have the primary intent of insulting the other person and hence inciting them to anger and a perhaps unwise battle. Single and double fingers pointed up, arm thrusts, chin tilts and so on are used, although many of these do vary across cultures (which can make for hazardous accidental movements when you are overseas).
Many gestures are sexual in nature, indicating that the other person should go away and fornicate, that you (or someone else) are having sex with their partner, and so on.
Mock attacks
Gestures may include symbolic action that mimics actual attacks, including waving fingers (the beating baton), shaking fists, head-butts, leg-swinging and so on. This is saying 'Here is what I will do to you!'
Physical items may be used as substitutes, for example banging of tables and doors or throwing . Again, this is saying 'This could be you!'
Sudden movements
All of these gestures may be done suddenly, signaling your level of aggression and testing the other person's reactions.
Large gestures
The size of gestures may also be used to signal levels of aggression, from simple finger movements to whole arm sweeps, sometimes even with exaggerated movements of the entire body.
Source: http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/aggressive_body.htm
This is actually quite useful as it is seldom a good idea to get into a fight, even for powerful people. Fighting can hurt you, even though you are pretty certain you will win. In addition, with adults, fighting is often socially unacceptable and aggression through words and body language is all that may ever happen.
Threat
Facial signals
Much aggression can be shown in the face, from disapproving frowns and pursed lips to sneers and full snarls. The eyes can be used to stare and hold the gaze for long period. They may also squint, preventing the other person seeing where you are looking.
Attack signals
When somebody is about to attack, they give visual signal such as clenching of fists ready to strike and lowering and spreading of the body for stability. They are also likely to give anger signs such as redness of the face.
Exposing oneself
Exposing oneself to attack is also a form of aggression. It is saying 'Go on - I dare you. I will still win.' It can include not looking at the other person, crotch displays, relaxing the body, turning away and so on.
Invasion
Invading the space of the other person in some way is an act of aggression that is equivalent to one country invading another.
False friendship
Invasion is often done under the cloak of of familiarity, where you act as if you are being friendly and move into a space reserved for friends, but without being invited. This gives the other person a dilemma of whether to repel a 'friendly' advance or to accept dominance of the other.
Approach
When you go inside the comfort zone of others without permission, you are effectively invading their territory. The close you get, the greater your ability to have 'first strike', from which an opponent may not recover.
Touching
Touching the person is another form of invasion. Even touching social touch zones such as arm and back can be aggressive.
Gestures
Insulting gestures
There are many, many gestures that have the primary intent of insulting the other person and hence inciting them to anger and a perhaps unwise battle. Single and double fingers pointed up, arm thrusts, chin tilts and so on are used, although many of these do vary across cultures (which can make for hazardous accidental movements when you are overseas).
Many gestures are sexual in nature, indicating that the other person should go away and fornicate, that you (or someone else) are having sex with their partner, and so on.
Mock attacks
Gestures may include symbolic action that mimics actual attacks, including waving fingers (the beating baton), shaking fists, head-butts, leg-swinging and so on. This is saying 'Here is what I will do to you!'
Physical items may be used as substitutes, for example banging of tables and doors or throwing . Again, this is saying 'This could be you!'
Sudden movements
All of these gestures may be done suddenly, signaling your level of aggression and testing the other person's reactions.
Large gestures
The size of gestures may also be used to signal levels of aggression, from simple finger movements to whole arm sweeps, sometimes even with exaggerated movements of the entire body.
Source: http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/aggressive_body.htm
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